Waiting

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.

-Dale Carnegie

That’s certainly an encouraging quote for me. It’s been over five years now since I was plunged into higher education as a scrawny and insecure home-schooled seventeen-year-old, and it’s been an interesting journey. I’ve finally been accepted into the medical school of my choice, and on some mighty slim chances. So many months of worrying whether I was sufficient: months of praying and waiting. However, my acceptance was not to be the end of my waiting. The school put me on their waitlist for the coming year. I may yet be accepted, even till the day before classes start, so...more waiting...and hoping. I’ve been waiting since January, hoping they’ll let me in this year. If not: more waiting.

“Here I am, Lord, prepare me...” ...famous last words. Ah, but the kiln is expected to burn.

Life is more than waiting and poverty, though. “Everything I really need I already have.” It’s not like every situation is easy, who in their right mind would expect that? No, it’s the beauty that passes in a fleeting moment that can awaken the awe of eternity in my heart. A simple, loving glance from my wife, a smile from our eight-month-old, a spring breeze, a hug from Boppa, playing a word game with my mom, Dawson’s extremely corny jokes (“what does a Japanese dove say when he’s on drugs? ...haiku” ...so dumb), a moment of playing with a sword in the woods like a seven-year-old, grass between my disfigured toes, or just nice coffee with Andrew, Carlos, and John Mark (hint, hint). The list is endless. It seems like life is just a teetering between highs and lows, and through it all God brings me to a place closer to Him.

Who knows.

If you actually read all of that, thanks for just listening to me encouraging myself.

In other news, Becca is almost done with her semester (oh, so glad), Arwen is cuter than ever, and we all had an enjoyable, but short visit from Sheena and Ryan. My dad went out to hunt for mushrooms yesterday. While he was gone our neighbor brought us a boatload of them already battered and fried (and, oh where they tasty). Dad came home with one mushroom (I chuckle aloud), only to find us feasting on fried morels.

Anyhow...bye.

A Midsummer’s Daydream

"I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances."
-Martha Washington

Here I am, Lord. I just want to serve you.
You know, it's all about what's inside. Yesterday seemed so bleak. I felt overwhelmed and stresses out about all the things going on and about what will happen in the future. "Will I be accepted into medical school? Will I get this job? Will I be good at this job? How will I pay for the class I need this semester? How am I going to get that slideshow ready before Sheena's wedding? When will I have time to spend with a doctor? How will I ever provide for my family? Will I be a good daddy? What are we going to do about money? ..."
...yeah, I was feeling pretty overwhelmed. I had been working on my medical school application, and reviewing some guidelines for a possible new job. I felt sick in the pit of my stomach with a feeling of restlessness. I've often had to take short walks in the woods to cool off and breath. To quote the plaque on my wall:
There is a path that leads through the woodland~
a path I love to trod
To get away from this wild world's rush
and be alone with God
So yesterday, when I felt I could take no more, I stepped out into the front yard. There waiting for me was a cool but sunny day and a variety of pretty little flowers who seemed content just to flow with the breeze. I stood staring at God's creation, taking it for granted, when God reminded me of how much I usually appreciate the beauty of His creation. I realized that the day was really no different from any other day of the preceding week or year. There was beauty all around me, but I did not have the eyes to see it. It is amazing how different the same world can look to one person of varying emotions. I realized that how I see things relies on me and what's inside me. That's when I felt God reminding me that no matter my carnal emotion, He is inside me. There is nothing like feeling overwhelmed by His love.
So little in this world actually matters. The outcome of any situation matters little when you realize that the reason you are here, the reason for anything you do is to serve and give glory to Him.
I hope that makes sense. Sometimes it's almost embarrassing how many times God has to remind me of my purpose and of His love. But then, I am only human, and He is a big God.
Bless you,

Nej